December arrives wrapped in twinkling lights, familiar music, and the soft promise of magic. Yet for many of us, the holiday season brings more than joy alone. It brings complexity, a blend of warmth and weariness, connection and longing, celebration and quiet reflection. If you’ve ever wondered why Christmas can feel both beautiful and overwhelming at the very same time, you’re not alone.
The “Shoulds” and the Pressure to Perform Joy
Every December, expectations rise. We should feel festive. We should be cheerful. We should have it all together.
These expectations often amplify whatever we’re already carrying: if we’re joyful, the lights shine even brighter; if we’re tired, lonely, or grieving, the gap between ourselves and the “ideal Christmas” can feel enormous. Psychologists refer to this as emotional amplification, our existing emotions intensify in a season of symbolism, rituals, and social meaning.
One of the most draining aspects of the season is the pressure to present ourselves as joyful, even when we’re not. This is what Brené Brown calls performative emotion, displaying what we think others want to see, instead of what we genuinely feel.
But pretending joy comes at a cost. Suppressing our authentic emotions distances us from others and from our own internal truth. We end up moving through December on autopilot, missing the opportunity to truly inhabit the season.
What if, instead, we allowed ourselves to be honest? Honest that joy and sadness can coexist. Honest that excitement and exhaustion can live side by side. Honest that we are doing our best, even when our best looks different this year.
Honouring What the Season Means to You
The holiday season becomes more meaningful when we question what actually matters to us. Not what tradition says. Not what family expects. Not what social media displays.
What matters to you?
- Maybe it’s shared meals.
- Maybe it’s quiet mornings.
- Maybe it’s spiritual reflection or giving to others.
- Maybe it’s rest, real, intentional rest.
One of the most powerful acts of self-kindness is redefining what Christmas means based on your current emotional reality, not an idealised version of it.
Nostalgia, Memory, and Grief
Christmas is deeply tied to memory. Smells, songs, and traditions can transport us instantly to different chapters of our lives. Sometimes those memories bring comfort. Other times they bring longing, sadness, or unfinished grief.
For many, December also brings reminders of loved ones who are no longer here, relationships that have changed, or years that unfolded differently than we hoped. Grief has a way of resurfacing in the stillness between festivities, and it’s okay that it does.
Allowing space for grief doesn’t diminish the season, it deepens it. It invites tenderness, reflection, and connection to what (and who) matters most.
Slowing Down Enough to Feel
The invitation of winter is slowness. Nature pulls inward, light shortens, the world pauses. Yet our schedules often do the opposite.
What if you gave yourself permission to reclaim some of that winter stillness?
- To slow down…
- To breathe deeper…
- To check in with your own internal weather…
- To feel what needs to be felt instead of rushing past it…
Emotional regulation doesn’t come from forcing ourselves into a specific feeling. It comes from creating space for whatever is present.
Allowing Space for Mixed Emotions
You can miss someone and still enjoy the day.
You can feel grateful and overwhelmed.
You can love your family and struggle with certain traditions.
You can look forward to Christmas and also want it to be over quickly.
Emotional contradiction is human, and December almost guarantees it. Honouring this mix of feelings is a gift to yourself: it allows the season to meet you where you truly are.
Moments of Real Connection
True holiday connection isn’t found in perfect plans or flawless gatherings. It’s found in small, human moments:
- A shared laugh.
- A quiet cup of tea.
- An honest conversation.
- Sitting beside someone without needing to say much.
- Allowing yourself to be seen as you truly are.
When we let go of the need for everything to “go perfectly,” we open the door to experiences that actually nourish us.
The Invitation of This Season
December invites us to slow down, soften, reflect, and reconnect, not only with others, but also with ourselves. It reminds us that emotional complexity isn’t a flaw, but a part of being fully alive. So, if your holiday season feels mixed, layered, bittersweet, that doesn’t mean something is wrong.
It means the season is doing exactly what it’s meant to do: inviting you deeper into your own humanity.
May you meet yourself gently this month, honour your needs, and allow space for every feeling, the bright ones, the quiet ones, and the ones that sit in between.
With love and renewal,
Laura
