Why January Isn’t About Becoming Someone New.
January often arrives carrying a quiet pressure.
A sense that we should reflect, reset, and somehow re-emerge improved. That we should define goals, choose a “better” version of ourselves, and step into the year renewed.
But beneath that familiar narrative, many of us feel something else entirely, a longing not to reinvent ourselves, but to feel more at home within who we already are.
Recently, I revisited Brené Brown’s Braving the Wilderness, and her words landed differently this time. Perhaps because January has a way of stirring questions about identity, belonging, and direction. Brown writes: “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”
That distinction feels especially important at the start of a new year.
The Quiet Cost of Fitting In
Many of us enter January unconsciously carrying the belief that growth requires self-editing. That to move forward, we must leave parts of ourselves behind, our uncertainty, sensitivity, past struggles, or unmet expectations.
We set intentions not from self-trust, but from comparison.
We aim to “fix” rather than understand.
We chase acceptance — from society, family, workplaces, or even from our imagined future selves.
And yet, fitting in rarely brings the sense of peace we hope for. Often, it leaves us feeling disconnected, as though we’ve moved forward while abandoning something essential within ourselves.
True belonging, Brown reminds us, doesn’t come from reshaping ourselves to meet expectations. It comes from standing rooted in our authenticity, even when that feels uncomfortable.
Braving the New Year as You Are
Brown describes true belonging as braving the wilderness — the courage to stand alone in our truth when it would be easier to conform. In January, that wilderness might look like resisting the urge to define yourself by goals alone. It might mean honouring who you are right now, not just who you hope to become.
Social psychology supports this. Research shows that people who stay aligned with their values, even when it comes at a cost, experience greater long-term wellbeing and resilience. Growth that is rooted in authenticity lasts longer than growth driven by pressure.
Perhaps this year isn’t asking you to become someone new.
Perhaps it’s asking you to belong more deeply to yourself.
Vulnerability as a Starting Point
Another thread that stands out in Braving the Wilderness is Brown’s exploration of vulnerability: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”
January can make vulnerability feel risky. We’re encouraged to present confidence, clarity, and certainty, even when we’re still processing the year that’s just ended. But neuroscience tells us that when we allow ourselves to be real, to acknowledge uncertainty, to share honestly, or to ask for support, our brains release oxytocin, strengthening connection and trust.
Vulnerability doesn’t weaken our start to the year. It grounds it.
When Belonging Feels Fragile
For many, January highlights feelings of loneliness or disconnection. The pace slows, celebrations fade, and reality settles in. Brown reminds us that we are biologically wired for connection: “We are hardwired for connection. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.”
Loneliness isn’t a personal failing, it’s a signal. Research shows it activates the same neural pathways as physical pain. In this light, the ache for belonging becomes something to listen to, not judge.
And perhaps the most powerful shift is this: belonging begins internally.
Belonging to Yourself First
Brown writes: “Belonging to ourselves means being called to stand alone — to brave the wilderness of uncertainty, vulnerability, and criticism.”
When we abandon ourselves in pursuit of approval, any belonging we find feels conditional and fragile. But when we meet ourselves with compassion, imperfections included, we build an inner steadiness that allows authentic connection to follow.
Self-compassion research consistently shows that people who treat themselves with kindness are more resilient, more emotionally balanced, and more capable of forming meaningful relationships.
From that place, belonging extends outward, through empathy, presence, and shared humanity. Empathy, as Brown describes it, is the bridge that closes the gap between us.
A Different Invitation for the Year Ahead
As this new year begins, you might consider a gentler question than “Who do I want to become?”
You might ask instead:
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How can I belong to myself more fully?
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Where am I editing or shrinking to fit in?
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What would growth look like if it didn’t require self-abandonment?
Belonging isn’t a destination. It’s a daily practice — one of choosing authenticity over approval, compassion over criticism, and connection over performance.
And perhaps the most reassuring truth of all is this:
You don’t need to become someone else this year.
You are allowed to evolve — as who you already are.
Belonging to yourself is a powerful and deeply personal journey, but it doesn’t have to be one you navigate on your own. If you find that questions of identity, self-worth, or connection are feeling heavy, especially at the start of a new year, therapy can offer a supportive space to explore them gently and safely. As a therapist, I work alongside people to help them reconnect with their authentic selves, develop self-compassion, and move forward in ways that feel aligned and meaningful. If you’re curious about whether working together might be right for you, you’re very welcome to reach out.
With love and renewal,
Laura
